Shop Talk

I posted this on the Cingular forum too just because it's too hilarious to not pass on. For those of you that didn't watch "Whose Line is it Anyway?" tonight the theme was Richard Simmons. This is just too hilarious to pass up. Enjoy!

http://www.jengajam.com/r/Simmons-Whosline »

I just have to get this off of my chest.


Have some of these people ever spoken on a phone before? I know that they purchased one, but I'm not sure if they know how to talk to a real person.

How can you, in the middle of a sentence....stop mid-word to go "hello?" It's mind boggling. I ask them what has happened to their phone and I get "Well, I was out at the mall anHELLO?" "yes, ma'am?" "ok, the mall and I was walHELLO?" "yes, ma'am?" "ok, I was walking around and the phone must have dropped out of myHELLO?"

What the hell? Am I supposed to be interrupting her every 2 words to let her know that I am still here? It seems as though that's what she wants. And this carried on throughout the call.

I wonder if she goes to McDona...
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So this happened last Friday, and I'm posting it now cause I've been off since then. (I would've posted over my long weekend, but I want to keep up the facade of actually having a life) This tool comes in looking for a home charger for his phone. Unfortunately, we are sold out at the time, but we have a car charger that we offer him. He didn't like our offer, and proceeded to curse out my sales associate, and our carrier as well. Somehow the fact that we didnt have his house charger was directly related to a billing problem he'd previously had. I'm still not sure how he made that connection... Anyway, I, as the store manager, warn him that profanity is not acceptable, and to please keep the conversation on an adult level or I will ask...
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so, avail time today is 30 - 40 minutes. When usually the longest we have is 15 minutes (except sunday mornings).

So, I was thinking and talking to Licia, we came to this conclusion:

there are little aliens which are invisible and their job is to break the phones. They have but one day off once a year.

Today is their day off.

uh...

So I don't understand. Why does somebody call from their work when they are busy, have a number of customers hanging around in front of them? Then they keep holding the phone away so they can talk to their customer. I just had a lady go "Yes... Oh the bathroom is over there." And then she sat the phone down and starting to proccess a sale transaction on her register, and I can hear this guy giving her all this personal information while she processes an order... I'm typing this while she's doing it. And then she isn't listening to anything I am telling her about her contract terms, if the plan she wants has nights and weekends, what her deductable is going to be... and now her cc is declined!

PEOPLE. Call in when you know you have t...
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We have this group, a second department, who is charged with credit check related things when our system messes up. They used to be wonderful fabulous people that I looked forward to calling (I guess the call center was in Canada.) But recently the powers that be have opened a center in Detroit... which seems to have been a BIG mistake. Most of these new agents seem to be completely incompetent. We've had the following things happen so far.

1 - Hold times. It's not that we hold a long time to get through but once we're through they don't seem to know what the hell they are doing (pardon the language but I'm on the line with one right now and about to ask for HER supervisor.) They collect the info and then say "Uh. Can I place you on ...
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So, this guy calls and he goes mad for no reason...I think Buffo already knows the story, but it´s so funny that i have to let you all know...

Last week i was so bored that i bought a newspaper just to read something. I was reading some interesting stories about a "NAZI POPE", and suddenly... biiiiiiiippppp

- "Thank you for calling ........My name is Sarah, How can i help you???"

- "Shh my name is Mike, and i want to cancel an order please"

- " Of course i would be more than glad to help you. In order to better assist you may i have you first and last name and your home ph number with the area code please?"

- " MM Mike X and home ph is 1234567890, but i just want to cancel the order please"

- " OK, Mike, we will do that b...
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I'm gonna kill her.

She's schizofrenic.

I don't know what the hell is she listening to.

I got two 85%.

I said to my employers: "if you do not change this, I'll start looking for another job".

I was ok here, past the initial embarrassment.

Now this place can just suck my c*ck.

Just had a customer call and say that their port has not gone through yet. They had their phone turned off and I had tell to him how to read the text message to get the instructions to get the port finished.

The time it took to get him to read the text, he could have called and got it finished.

I love the way people think if they start getting mad and yelling it will change the rules. Sure. It changes things, I hang up.

But the story (you know there's always a story) that prompted this was a caller...

She'd had an account with us a few years ago that she didn't bother to pay on and it went to an outside collections agency... then her highness filed bankruptcy. (I should point out that I hate bankruptcy except in very special cases. I normally thing Dubya is an idiot but in the case of the changes he's affected to the bankruptcy laws I actually cheered. If you have a medical condition that comes on later in your life and makes it impossible for you to pay the bills you've got that's one thing. If like most of the people w...
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I'm not sure what it is in the air but SOMETHING is making me sneeze. I just sneezed so hard my headset flew off my head (mid-call too.) We're having some big-wigs coming in tomorrow so there has been some heavy cleaning going on so that's probably what is causing it, all the dust.

When your credit card is declined could you at least humor me and pretend to be surprised? Most of these goomba's say "Oh but I done paid the beeelll today." because they know the dam...dang card is overdrawn and past due already.

I've had one occasion where I didn't know my account had been suspended because the chuckleheads who were in charge of that credit-card's bills flat refused to send them to my actual address. I seriously called them 4 separate times trying to get my address changed so they could get my bills to me... and the only time they got it right was after I closed the account and they sent me a little "Oh please stay with us." thing. Morons.

Thanx to djdelay.

"chongo" would be "butch".

I'm not sexist.
I mean, there are times when I or any boy can be the biggest c*nt in the universe.

The biggest.

Until Jenny*

(*Just like Nikoletta, I'm protecting both the idiotic and my job)

It's sunday afternoon here in Argentina. And if you take your break downstairs you get to enjoy the spring sun having your diet coke and cigarrettes.

But then, Jenny

_Thank you for calling *** Wireless Support, this is Kenneth (sic), how can I help you?
_Oh yeah, I just... just... I have a problem with my cellphone, I... I don't know, I need it repaired, so... please, what do you need.
_Oh of course dear, I would be more than glad to help you with this! May I please have your name?
_Jenny Bueller
_Thank you Jenny...

...

Jenn...
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This was the wording of an e-mail I just got, because they are allowing us more Internet access (because apparently they aren't the small minded little twits I thought and for that unkindness I sincerely apologize, because frankly, just getting this e-mail made the months of restricted Internet completely worth it!)

"In the beginning the internet was slow, and the slowness was the opposite of good.

And thus the VP of technology spoke and said Let there be bandwidth.² Upon receiving the word of the VP, the Network Admin looked down upon the IP connectivity, and it was classless and void. And the Network Admin said ³let their be DS3 connectivity with BGP routing², and it was so. And then the VP spoke and said ³let their be redunda...
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On Sanyo's, as well as most phones, there is a little knob on the inside of the phone, just above the hinge. This is the Sanyo PM-8200, and it is on the right side. It's purpose is that it lets the phone know that the phone is closed. (Think of the fact that the light on the fridge only comes on when the door is open)

Has any seen this break off, especially on a Sanyo phone? Is there any way that this counldn't have been caused by inappropiate use/gross damage?

So a customer calls in...

Me: Thanks for calling **** how can I help you?

Him: Yea, my phone don't work

Me: Ok. I'll try my best to help you over the phone but it will be difficult since I don't have it in front of me.

Him: Don't be a smart a$$. What is it with you people?!?

Me: I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be a smart ass, just tell you that it will be hard to help you. What's wrong with the phone?

Him: It won't ring.

Me: What do you mean? Does it vibrate or light up?

Him: No. It doesn't do anything.

Me: Try turning off the phone and turning it back on. Just take the battery out , put it back in and turn it on.

Him: Fine. If that doesn't work - I'll call you back.

Me: Ok. Have a nice day!

Click

AAAHHHH...
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By october the 31st of 2004 I was not only in love, but without a job and money enough not to worry in a few months. And just expecting to see Morrissey's gig.

Now I'm trapped here, watching my co-workers dressed as '80s trans-gendered-middle-aged hookers in this stupid american Halloween.

My supervisor gave me a Vampire cape.

And I'm wearing it.

If I cried, I would want to cry.

My store is in a plaza with a supermarket, liquor store, etc. A tradition up in CT where I am, at least on this holiday, is to go around and throw eggs at houses and cars. They also take catsup and mustard and squeeze them onto cars while they go by. I saw a lot of houses get hit last night while on my way back through the city, but a few cars just went through and marked up about half the parking lot. I had just moved my car 30 minutes before.

They missed it... 😁