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things you've always wanted to say to a customer

arsimckhoi

Aug 29, 2007, 11:52 AM
1.) Well I'm not able to access that account because that account is being managed by a room full of people conspiring against you to not get signal in you concrete house that has a steel roof.... let me transfer you to them now...

2.) My system is down ma'am because my computer is kept up and running by the revenue directly related to your bill and since you haven't paid... well you can see what happens when you don't pay your bill now don't you?

3.) Thought your life was hard with a $125 spending limit? Try $50! take that you bi0tch!

anyone else got there's?
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041604

Aug 29, 2007, 11:56 AM
If I'm so damn incompetent, why do you keep coming here to ask me questions?
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spidermon

Aug 29, 2007, 12:58 PM
Yes ma'm I understand that your phone does not work, it only cost one cent. That gives you about 3 days of warranty, which ran out yesterday. Would you like to buy another one at full retail price? 🤣
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chkchkchk

Aug 29, 2007, 11:56 AM
To be blunt, your payment history shows us that you are unable to pay for three lines. What makes you think that we believe that you can pay for four?

Oh wait... I've said this. On more than one occasion (after being nice about it, of course).
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chainsaw

Aug 29, 2007, 12:30 PM
I've a always wanted to say..

"You're being ridiculous sir/mam please leave!"
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emce

Aug 31, 2007, 7:47 PM
I have said that.

"Ma'am there is absolutely no reason for you to behave this way in a public setting. This is a family establishment- if you'd take a look to your left you'll see a kiddie table. Do you see the sad faces on the children? You've made this a very distastful experience for us all. Please leave immediately. If you cannot comply I will have you escorted out as well as putting a block on your account to bar yoy from entering any other ****** store."
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par_slim

Aug 29, 2007, 12:46 PM
1. Shut up and listen! Im tired of repeating this over and over again, dont be such a F***in retard!

2. Ohhh, so you're saying that a phone should still work even if it got rained??? ok, try jumping in a pool carrying your brand new 42" flat screen tv and lets see if it would still work.

3. i know you're lying, so dont fool me by saying "oohhh, i have multiple sclerosis, im disabled, please send me a new phone!", if its true, then good for you!

4. i dont want to speak with you, you're so stupid and close-minded.

5. thank you for calling, im currently away from my station, so do call back so that you would get another rep.

-sorry, im in a bad mood today! 👿
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arsimckhoi

Aug 29, 2007, 1:06 PM
1.) sir you don't use enough minutes on your plan to not like our service shut up and call back when your worth our time.

2.) who are you to say 'no' to me? No seriously we don't care if you say no... in fact while you talk to me i'm gonna go listen to bjork.
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OfAMightDivine

Aug 29, 2007, 10:23 PM
Ewwwww.... Bjork....
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chkchkchk

Aug 29, 2007, 1:02 PM
I think I'd like to say: I'm placing a $0.25 credit on your account. Go call someone who cares.

And: Did you know that I have enough information about you to ruin your life. That said, I'd think twice about my selection of words if I were you.
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Pretty Keeley

Aug 29, 2007, 4:46 PM
Ooooo I like the second one! 🤣
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M15TER P1NK

Aug 29, 2007, 1:02 PM
F*** YOU

F*** YOU

F*** YOU

Youre Cool

F*** YOU

Im out...
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Nikoletta

Aug 30, 2007, 6:51 PM
I Prefer...

"You can go to hell...

And You can go to hell...

And you can go to hell too just so you don't feel left out!"
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foxiangel5

Aug 29, 2007, 1:18 PM
#1 I DONT CARE!

#2 stop interrupting me!

#3 PLEASE, drown your children!

#4 I gave you my work number in case you had aproblem with your phone or service, NOT so you could call me just TO CHAT! LOSE MY NUMBER!

#5 Youre right, a $400 security deposit is crazy...about as crazy as we would be to give you service!

#6 You're not funny. (my name is adrienne and i work at verizon, ie: yo adrian! can you hear me now?)


tahts all for now, i have an idiot....
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frankiewawa

Aug 29, 2007, 6:06 PM
I like #3. I've wanted to say that to ALOT of people.
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jestcuzzgrl

Aug 29, 2007, 1:50 PM
#1 Did you hear what sprint did to their customers?

#2 Are you high?

#3 Would you like a copy of my job description?

#4 Would you hold your breath so I can talk?


I will come up with more I'm sure
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MrAbstracto

Aug 29, 2007, 1:54 PM
-Stop breathing through your mouth.

-Dont call back

-Are your parents cousins/siblings?
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chkchkchk

Aug 29, 2007, 1:57 PM
1- You're the nicest person I've spoken with all day.

2- Are you serious?
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arsimckhoi

Aug 29, 2007, 2:01 PM
i actually have told a customer they were the nicest person i spoken to all day and they loved.... they were full of thank you's and your so nice's.
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Pretty Keeley

Aug 29, 2007, 4:49 PM
I had one of those last night. I wish they were all like that.... *sigh*
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jackrabbit6179

Aug 29, 2007, 2:01 PM
1-After meeting you(your family/your parents/ your children (etc...)), I understand why most animals eat their young.

2-Instead of getting that, why don't you take the money and buy some soap?

3-Did you eat a bowl of f***tard for breakfast?

4-Our prices aren't based on your wallet--(no, wait, I've actually said that one....)

---More coming.....
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jestcuzzgrl

Aug 29, 2007, 2:03 PM
That I could hang up on people
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par_slim

Aug 29, 2007, 2:10 PM
i do... heheh only to irate ones. or better yet, conferrence them to a busy tone, then they'll hung up themselves. lol 🤣
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jestcuzzgrl

Aug 29, 2007, 2:12 PM
I usually start to say something then press mute hoping they think I hung up on them 😁
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arsimckhoi

Aug 30, 2007, 6:56 AM
i just transfer them to a regional provider like cricket, metro pcs or something like that
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par_slim

Aug 30, 2007, 5:01 PM
i transfer the irate ones to the spanish queue...lol 🤣
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emce

Aug 31, 2007, 7:53 PM
hahah thats funny. We have no one to transfer to- but if I did i would try all these.
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jestcuzzgrl

Sep 6, 2007, 11:24 AM
haha I would love to do that.. oops wrong extension!
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yeahright

Aug 30, 2007, 4:12 PM
i have🙂
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jestcuzzgrl

Aug 29, 2007, 4:10 PM
customer needed to be transferred. He would not shut his mouth he kept asking me all these questions and I told him I do not speak for other departments he needs to speak to them. He was soo rude. Finally for the third time I asked him

me- "Would you like the number before I transfer you?"

cust- gonna transfer me right?"

me- "Yes would you like their number?"

cust "Why do I need it if your gonna transfer me?"


what I wanted to say
"In case I hang up on you so you have to call back and probably get transfered again and be on hold even longer you jerk"
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Milk Carton Reject

Aug 29, 2007, 4:12 PM
You should have gave him the corporate number to Pizza Hut or something. PUNK ROCK! 😎
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Jennyboo

Aug 29, 2007, 4:52 PM
"You know, I'd really rather not activate you since you openly admitted that you haven't paid your bill with three other carriers and I'm not expecting you to do so with us. I don't feel like being charged back for your ghetto white trash a$$!!!"

🙂
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Gemini

Aug 29, 2007, 5:19 PM
agreed!
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aavera

Aug 29, 2007, 8:45 PM
~ No, you don't get a special deal for being a "loyal customer" since the begenning of time. Verizon is a business, and you are a number. Deal with it, or go without!

~What this comes down to is that you obviously aren't responsible enough to take care of you phone. If you were, it wouldn't have gotten wet/broken/lost.

~Why don't you try driving your brand new car into the lake and see if your 10 year, 10k mi. warranty covers that.

~Go ahead and port your number out. We prefer customers with a higher IQ than a head of lettuce any way.

~You realize I have enough of your personal information right in front of me to ruin your life.....go ahead and keep swearing at me.

~I warned you when you got the phone for your teenager that...
(continues)
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OfAMightDivine

Aug 29, 2007, 10:27 PM
You know, you really shouldn't insult heads of lettuce that way.
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BigShowJB

Sep 2, 2007, 4:13 PM
Ah, yes, but EDUCATED lettuce

(the actual line is educated cabbages... but you get the idea.)

I will send $5 to the first person to identify what series that come from OR the star of the series.

Five bucks, cash in the mail or paypal if you prefer
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s_scott15

Sep 3, 2007, 1:54 PM
"The Prisoner" Where's my 5 bucks? 😁
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BigShowJB

Sep 3, 2007, 3:07 PM
email me your address so i can get you the 5
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BigShowJB

Sep 3, 2007, 2:08 PM
dammmnnnnnn ----- i owe you five dude .... email me your addy and i'll get it to you ...


How did you know that one?
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s_scott15

Sep 3, 2007, 4:51 PM
It is this wonderful thing called the Internet. It has loads of information including stuff from old TV shows. 😁
(I Googled it on my Blackjack)
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BigShowJB

Sep 3, 2007, 4:59 PM
that's almost cheating man ......
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ShackViperElite

Aug 29, 2007, 9:03 PM
1) You're right maam, it is my fault you lost your handset... and the next one you get, I'll make you loose that one too! Why? Because I'm an evil, evil man.

2) No, sir. I can offer everyone a better offer than I am offering you, because in our brief 5 minute conversation, I have come to the conclusion that I hate you.

3) Maam / sir, you're too stupid to own this phone.
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chkchkchk

Aug 30, 2007, 9:45 AM
I really like #2. Totally sounds like something I'd say.
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The Highlander

Aug 29, 2007, 9:11 PM
To all the female customers who came into the store way back when I was in retail who were quite endowed above the waist:

"Please lean over the counter just a little bit more so I can enjoy the breath taking view!"

and

"God I wish I could just smother my face between then so I could drown out the Muzak!"
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arsimckhoi

Aug 30, 2007, 6:42 AM
I'd love to help you with that sir because i just got done cutting myself in visible places talking to the last customer and that bought you 5 minutes!
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cellb1tch

Aug 30, 2007, 2:03 PM
1. how do you survive being that stupid?

2. your stench is offending me please leave and wash yourself.

3. i can't wait to read your name in the obituaries.

4. i'm going to dance on your grave when you die.

5. i hope you get hit by a car when you leave the store.

6. well the reason you have to put a deposit down is that going by your credit history you don't pay your bills, therefore, we as a company don't believe that you are going to pay this bill. so the security deposit is at least some money we have from you before we send you to a collections agency.

7. if i wasn't working, i would beat your ass!
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marenda

Aug 30, 2007, 2:06 PM
1. 👀 Sir, have you showered today?

2. No, we cannot override a deposit. MAYBE now that your see that you have a $750.00 per line, you will take better care of your credit & PAY YOUR BILLS.

3. don't curse at me because you can't check your wifes account, there's a reason you don't have your own. i'm sure she would like to keep it that way.
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Cellfoneslinger

Aug 30, 2007, 2:40 PM
*SLAP* then I go to lunch
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mooiscoow

Aug 30, 2007, 2:51 PM
1) I am sorry, but by judging how stupid you are your deposit went up $100.

2) You must be this smart to talk to me.

3) No, you can not touch the phone because I think your hands are dirty.

4) I am stupid? Which one of us have a phone.

5) (After finding out they have a $750 deposit, they have the nerve to ask for a job) HELL NO!! We don't even trust you with a phone bill.

6)Would you port your number out? I know it is only one less dumb person I have to deal with, but every number counts.

I also wish I could wear my "I can only be nice to one person a day. Today isn't your day. Tommorrow doesn't look so good either." tshirt.
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chkchkchk

Aug 30, 2007, 3:16 PM
'Just to clear things up... I don't like you'

'We're a business, not a charity/your buddy.'
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yeahright

Aug 30, 2007, 4:48 PM
1.I respect your business but do not need it so you can take it somewhere else

2.sir if you keep screaming at me I am going to hang up....(keeps screaming) ...Sir call back when you can communicate like an adult...click

3. I am sorry you couldn't pay your bills

4. (the whole I have been a customer for 90 years and deserve everything free)
Well sir, by your logic then I shouldn't have to pay Krogers for my groceries this weekend, after all I have been going there for years.

5. I am sorry you decided not to take care of the $350 device we gave you for $50 dollars, but our charity can only go so far.


I have probably said a lot of other things that were not to nice, remember these are all out of context and all these people wer...
(continues)
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chkchkchk

Aug 30, 2007, 4:53 PM
These sort of things slip out sometimes... 😉

Number 5 can also (and totally should!) be said as 'Since you didn't take care of the phone we gave to you for free, maybe you'll take care of the phone that you have to pay $350.00 for. In case you didn't learn your lesson the first time, would you like insurance?'
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Nikoletta

Aug 30, 2007, 8:15 PM
Wow, that was a stupid question.

Alright, ma'am, I need you to do something important for me. Get a q-tip and squeegy out your ears. If you don't star listening and stop interrupting I'm hanging up on you.

You, Sir, are an idiot.

Sir? Your name is Sarah?

Ma'am, go take care of your kid, I'm not listening to that baby cry in the background anymore.

Your deposit is so high because your credit sucks.

Having good credit isn't that hard. All you need to do is pay the bills that you have on time regularly. Clearly that's too hard for you.

You know, I hate to interrupt... well no I don't, but... I really don't care about the whole long story covering every single phone call you have made to us. Why don't we do this. You ...
(continues)
...
Nikoletta

Aug 30, 2007, 11:24 PM
Your sister actually had the line, you just signed for it because she couldn't get a line in her name? Do you wonder WHY she couldn't get a line in her name? Probably because she's a dead-beat... you shouldn't have trusted her any more than we did. Now you're stuck with a $3000 bill in your name that is completely legitimate. Maybe you should get your sister to pay for it because we're not setting you up until it's paid... clearly you have terrible judgment.

Did you eat paint chips as a child?

Were you dropped on your head repeatedly as a child?

Are you three years old? Then stop acting like it.

That, also, was a stupid question.

I'm sorry, I was busy daydreaming about my calculus homework and wasn't listening to you rant...
(continues)
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Nikoletta

Sep 2, 2007, 12:05 PM
You know lady, calling my co-worker a Bish just made me think a whole lot less of you.

Keep ranting, I'll keep not listening.

And it's our fault you couldn't be bothered to keep the return tracking label? If the refund was important and you wanted to get the money back you should have kept the tracking label... Now you realize that it was worth $500 and we're not giving you the money until you give us the phone or proof you sent it back. We're flexible like that.
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nuckingfuts

Sep 2, 2007, 3:37 PM
Nikki, You're my hero!
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StoreLead

Sep 2, 2007, 7:41 PM
nikki... will you marry me?

that's the most amazing thing i've ever seen in my life! 😁
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V4Vengeance

Aug 31, 2007, 12:44 PM
You'd like a free Treo to replace the one your kid chewed? He left two teeth under the pillow. That's a 50-cent discount off full retail.

You swear he didn't download $800 of games last January and are only just now noticing that bill? What a coincidence. My neighbor didn't realize she was pregnant 'till a baby popped out on her lunch break. Funny how stuff like that can sneak up on ya.

One more curse word and I'll call your mama to come spank you.

I can't understand Unintelligiblish; I'll need to transfer you to the Diction Department for clarification.

The GPS Breathalyzer light here just went red. I wouldn't drive anywhere if I were you.
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Jennyboo

Aug 31, 2007, 3:31 PM
🤣

those are great!
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ihateeverything

Aug 31, 2007, 1:18 PM
The thing I can't stand the most besides hindu customers (never buy) is the guy that thinks he knows more than the person who sells phones all day.
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I AM GOD

Aug 31, 2007, 4:13 PM
🤣
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gozvzw

Sep 1, 2007, 5:49 PM
What I love is when they try to show you up by telling you a load of bull then you proceed to tell them why they are sooooooo wrong. The look on their face after they are done arguing with you about it is great!!!!
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NoanswersonlyQs

Aug 31, 2007, 4:25 PM
Your right, absolutely right.. this is my job and I still dont know what Im doing. without you to guide me I'd be lost...


(I have said this)
F*ck you, you Fa@@ot... Get the F*ck out of my stor and take your Fa@@ot a$$ son with you...

(I just snapped... no defense for that one..)
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chainsaw

Aug 31, 2007, 6:27 PM
I lost it once and told some junior high kids to "get the f@#ck out of my store" They said they were going to tell their parents and get me in trouble... losers
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NoanswersonlyQs

Sep 1, 2007, 9:46 AM
you ever have those days that no matter what from the time you clock in till the time you clock out you just in a pissy mood... and it doesnt matter what the cust says or does they are wrong and the scum of the earth....
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chainsaw

Sep 1, 2007, 8:09 PM
Yeah that happens most days actually. I have found that the days that I am most helpful and honest is when I have drank a lot the night before and still a little tipsy.
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poweredup

Aug 31, 2007, 4:43 PM
i've actually said this to a customer about her bill,

ME: "ma'am your being very rude and i cannot help you if you do not let me finish explaining why your bill is so high. what i think is...(she breaks in)

HER: i dont want you to think, i want you to take care of my bill!!!

ME: if you continue to do this ma'am i cant help you (silence)

HER:hello?

ME:can i finish explaing your bill?


she then let me finish explaining it to her and we found out it wasnt our fault but her not paying her bill on time. i swear i was very close to telling her that i wasnt able to help her anymore and that she would have to call customer service to get her problem resolved
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poweredup

Aug 31, 2007, 4:50 PM
cust: "well i swear, i never got the phone wet"

me: "get a diaper cause your phone is peeing"
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chocolateman85006

Aug 31, 2007, 6:41 PM
"I'm your phone company, bitch! Keep ****ing with me, and I'll **** your **** up so badly that Tracfone won't even take your ass!"
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jestcuzzgrl

Aug 31, 2007, 6:44 PM
Oh so you're switching carriers because you can't get your way? Ha! Have fun because we could care less. Oh and let me know how that works out because you prolly wont be happy anywhere. Ta ta 😁
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emce

Aug 31, 2007, 7:50 PM
I always tell customers, "Hey- if you're not happy it's always your choice to leave to another carrier. I'm afraid tthat I must inform you that the policies enacted here are almost 99% market standards. T-Mobile will make you pay a deposit, Verizon will make you pay on time, Sprint will make you pay full price for a phone if you've already gotten your discount. Sorry. Good luck in your searches elsewhere."

They usually look real broken. Like I snapped their soul in half- thats when I wait for the best part. I tell them about their early termination fee just to rub a little salt in their wounds. Then they agree to whatever I was telling them previously and calm down.
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DMRex A.K.A Shakey Shakes

Sep 1, 2007, 10:15 AM
its early saturday morning...

-thanks for waking up super early to come down here and waste my time with lame questions that you're pretty much answering yourself. i'm sure your child really appreciates you robbing him of his saturday morning cartoons for you to come down and bug the s(*t out of me.
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cell_hell

Sep 1, 2007, 10:28 AM
Does it look like i'm in some despot place, selling these phones out of a hut? No? Then why in the hell do you think I can "cut you a deal", make a "bargain", waive every known fee, give you free everything or any other rediculous request you just made? You want me to give it to you free? Then you can pay the difference that they take out of my check for it.


Customer: "You're paycheck depends on me, and when I leave this company, its really going to suck for you, now isnt it?!"

Me(I've actually said this one): "Well sir/ma'am, its a good thing that I keep 64 million customers on standby just incase you quit on me. You know, always best to plan for these types of situations. You have a spectacular day. *Smiles sweetly*"
...
cell_hell

Sep 1, 2007, 10:32 AM
I forgot:

Sorry, did my store sign suddenly transform with out my knowledge and say that we charge your battery for free? The chargers are for people who buy them. Its not my fault that you don't know when to plug in your damn phone.
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BigShowJB

Sep 1, 2007, 1:21 PM
cell_hell said:
Does it look like i'm in some despot place, selling these phones out of a kiosk? No? Then why in the hell do you think I can "cut you a deal", make a "bargain", waive every known fee, give you free everything or any other rediculous request you just made? You want me to give it to you free? Then you can pay the difference that they take out of my check for it.


Customer: "You're paycheck depends on me, and when I leave this company, its really going to suck for you, now isnt it?!"

Me(I've actually said this one): "Well sir/ma'am, its a good thing that I keep 64 million customers on standby just incase you quit on me. You know, always best to plan for these types of situations. You have a spec
...
(continues)
...
cell_hell

Sep 1, 2007, 5:17 PM
er. it was supposed to say hut. you know, like a hut in a despot (not exactly flourishing) place.

thanks tho i gues.s..
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BigShowJB

Sep 1, 2007, 10:45 PM
no, i know what you meant ... i was just saying that's what it feels like -- and looks like-- sometimes working in a kiosk as i do.
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betty_bermuda

Sep 1, 2007, 6:35 PM
being loud/rude/ghetto/foreign/old does not entitle you to a free upgrade for your prepaid phone.

dont insult me by coming in here with your boost asking for minutes/chargers.

i have a can of air freshner under my desk just for you. I wish i could spray some people with it...we have a lot of stinky people...
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chainsaw

Sep 1, 2007, 8:12 PM
haha, we used to have a guy come in all the time who was like 6'5'' and just disgusting. He literally drooled on our counter everytime and smelled like a cross between a dead turtle and a pile of fresh poo. So...we nicknamed him stinky.
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betty_bermuda

Sep 2, 2007, 3:42 PM
uggghhhh
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byebyecellone

Sep 2, 2007, 2:23 AM
I have always wanted to say........Hey dumba$$ dont you realize i know where you fuc&%ng live. I would watch what you let flow out of that whole in your face. I am closer to you than you realize.
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byebyecellone

Sep 2, 2007, 5:44 AM
If you dont chillax I can personally guarantee your phones will not work properly the rest of the time I am employed here. Then just before I am not emplyed here i will take down all your information and mapquest your a$$.
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3gee

Sep 2, 2007, 12:47 PM
If I were you I would have my mouth full of shotgun with my toe on the trigger!!

🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣
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Cellfoneslinger

Sep 2, 2007, 7:52 PM
Oh your just looking? How about I just punch you in the face? Are you blind? Does this look like a museum douche bag?

No your mexican ID will not work but since your here will take out my trash clean the windows and wash my car?

God dam your girlfriend is ugly, are you sure you want to get her a phone?

What the hell is wrong with you how can your think it is a good idea to add all your friends on your account?

I sure do stock VZW accessories and I have the one you want, just reach up my as* and grab it!
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betty_bermuda

Sep 3, 2007, 2:18 PM
LMAO...YOU FORGOT TO MENTION THAT YOU WOULD GIVE THEM BOOST MINUTES FOR FREE!
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d3ity

Sep 3, 2007, 2:40 PM
Here's one I'll NEVER get to say.

We will be closed labor day.
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Cellfoneslinger

Sep 3, 2007, 3:24 PM
🤣 wait Im at work too *sigh* and we have normal hours so Ill be here til 930 😢
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Catiloof

Sep 5, 2007, 2:22 PM
Me: What can I help you with Sir/Ma'am

Customer: Nothing, just looking.

(a little while after)

Customer: Hey, I have a question!

Me: I thought you were just looking and you didn't need any help.

haha
...
par_slim

Sep 5, 2007, 7:30 PM
Cust: i want a phone right now, i dont want to wait for 5 days for a replacement phone! i want to have a phone the moment i step out of this store

Me: ma'am, all the phones there are brand new phones which are for sale, you had your phone since septemebr of last year, you dont expect me to give you a brand new cellphone! 👿

Cust: i want to speak to a supervisor, bBLAH BLAH BLAh

me: ok can i put you/

-cust off I said i want to speak to a supervisor...Blah Blah Blah

me: ok can i put you/

-cuts off...give me your manager..blah blah blah

me: How can i give you my supervisor if you keep on cutting me off when i do my spiel?

cust is furious, blah blah blah

me: so what do you want me to do now???

cust: ok send me...
(continues)
...
jestcuzzgrl

Sep 6, 2007, 11:20 AM
😁 I work for insurance part for a certain carrier. When they tell me they are going to cancel their services I say sorry you feel that way. Any where you go there MAY be a ded and your equip MAY be refurbished as well.


What I would really like to say....

Cust: "I am canceling all my lines and going to Sprint"


Me "HaHa! Too bad we work for Sprint too! As well as others!"
...
spiceeater

Sep 6, 2007, 10:01 PM
thank you for calling *********** care were are currently not taking your calls please leave no massage or we will cancle your service have a wounderfull day
...

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