Shop Talk
Thank the Lord for MP3s
I love my MP3 player. It gets me through these slow ass nights. Right now I am listening to Mitch Hedberg and enjoying every minute of it! Everyone have a wondeful evening!
"I think it is time we change DO NOT DISTURB to DON'T DISTURB, we must embrace the contraction!"
"I think it is time we change DO NOT DISTURB to DON'T DISTURB, we must embrace the contraction!"
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Man, I love Mitch Hedberg.
"I'm against picketing, I just don't know how to show it."
"Being a comedian is hard because you have to entertain people for the entire show, you cant be like pancakes, all exciting in the beginning and then by the end you're f'ing sick of them."
"I'm against picketing, I just don't know how to show it."
"Being a comedian is hard because you have to entertain people for the entire show, you cant be like pancakes, all exciting in the beginning and then by the end you're f'ing sick of them."
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"I thought about getting my teeth whitened, then I said f*ck it, I'll get a tan."
🤣
Too bad he liked his opiates... the H-bomb doesn't usually leave you living long.
🤣
Too bad he liked his opiates... the H-bomb doesn't usually leave you living long.
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"I give you the money, you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We do not need to bring ink and paper into this."
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"Don't act like I didn't buy that doughnut, I got the receipt right here... Oh, wait it's at home.. in the file... under "D"... for doughnut."
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"I want to mountain climb, but I don't want to go to he top, I want to hang out at base camp. That would be the sh*t."
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"I had a pet parrot that talked, but it never said 'I'm Hungry' so it died."
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"I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life."
---Mitch Hedberg
What was that joke he had about wanting to be credited for a joke or saying... ah can't remember.
---Mitch Hedberg
What was that joke he had about wanting to be credited for a joke or saying... ah can't remember.
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"It's weird... people say they're not like apes. Now how do you explain captainplooky then? "
--Mitch Hedberg
--Mitch Hedberg
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Mitch Hedberg.....quite possibly the funniest comic in recent history.
a few favorites:
"I want to be a racecar passenger. You know, the guy that rides around annoying the driver....Can I put my feet out the window? Why do we gotta always go in circles? Man you must really like Tide."
"I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too."
"My friend and I were walking down the street and he said 'I hear music.' I said, 'You are not special. That is how I recieve it, too. I tried to taste it, but it did not work.'"
"I mumble alot. My friends are always saying 'What?' So I say it again. Then they say 'What?' But it was something really stupid in the first place and now I'm screaming 'That tree is really far away.'"
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(continues)
a few favorites:
"I want to be a racecar passenger. You know, the guy that rides around annoying the driver....Can I put my feet out the window? Why do we gotta always go in circles? Man you must really like Tide."
"I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too."
"My friend and I were walking down the street and he said 'I hear music.' I said, 'You are not special. That is how I recieve it, too. I tried to taste it, but it did not work.'"
"I mumble alot. My friends are always saying 'What?' So I say it again. Then they say 'What?' But it was something really stupid in the first place and now I'm screaming 'That tree is really far away.'"
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(continues)
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"I want to see a fork-lift lift a crate of forks, cause that would be like, so literal."
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My favorite one goes kind of like this. It's not word for word.
"Bananas are not like streetlights because on a banana yellow means go, green means woah, don't go yet and red means........where the f$ck did you get that banana??"
"Bananas are not like streetlights because on a banana yellow means go, green means woah, don't go yet and red means........where the f$ck did you get that banana??"
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"Mr. Pibb is a poor substitue for Dr. Pepper. The man didn't even finish his education."
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"I think the problem with why no one can get a clear picture of Bigfoot is that he's blurry. Which I think is extra scary."
"I like the little flap on the vending machine, before that it was hard times for the vending machine owners. Which candybar are you gonna get Mitch? This one and everyone on the bottom row."
"I like the little flap on the vending machine, before that it was hard times for the vending machine owners. Which candybar are you gonna get Mitch? This one and everyone on the bottom row."
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