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printed July 30, 2015
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BREAKING NEWS

MIKE3222

Dec 8, 2005, 7:19 PM
Juan: (drunk) This is Juan. como estas b****es. something is happening in the house. hey who are you...

Unknown stranger: I am amp'd mobile. i am here to save ray romano. TRY NOT TO DIE, AMP'D MOBILE IS COMING!

Juan: that's my line.

amp'd: (charging door) here i come YEHAAAAA...(grating noises)

Juan: it would appear as though amp'd just ran into the blender that was being brought into the house. the blender seems to be broken, amp'd seems to be a bloody mary. ANYONE GOT A CELERY STICK?

Mike (news anchor): Juan, what is happening at the house?

Juan: F*** you sitting up there making all the money while i'm sitting here watching a house with a phone, a F***ing phone holding a guy hostage. what the hell man, what the hell?

M...
(continues)
...
bassplayer

Dec 8, 2005, 8:03 PM
Carrottop: Well got here as fast as I could, suck behind a grandma doing 70 on the freeway... 70 years that is (haw haw haw)... oh no ones laughing... well I brought some "pop" corn to eat while I wait to slaughter Ray (pulls out giant cannon of popcorn which blows gooey buttery old popcorn all over audience) HAW HAW HAW!!! oh no one's laughing? oh well, who wants to sit with me, you can even sit on my lap (pulls out a realistic looking fake lap) HAWA HAW HAW!!! oh no one's laughing? whatever you guys just don't know real comedy (pulls out fake a$$) yeah I'm gonna moon you all HAW HAW HAW... oh, no one's laughin...
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everman

Dec 9, 2005, 1:19 PM
Ray- I will tell you this. Those people cant sing. But I learned of a government program that will give me money to limp around on one leg for the rest of my life. Apparently the Riddler knows a lot about government money.
Also, I can save a lot of money by switching my car insurance to Geico.
Why are there carrot shavings in this toilet?
...

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