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Bob gets abducted by aliens

by Sholyhit    Jul 19, 2006, 7:12 PM

One Sunday afternoon, Bob was walking home from the store, which he had just been ejected from ever so rudely, and he heard a strange noise from above. He looked up and saw a bright light, which was rather blinding. He had a strange sensation in his guy and almost felt like he was floating. After that he blacked out. He awoke on a cold, metal floor. He was in a room with only one exit. It was simply an opening, but looked as if there was some sort of force field preventing anything from passing. Suddenly, it powered off and a rather tall, skinny figure entered the room. This thing was obviously not human. It had long, slender arms and legs, a light greenish-grey skin tone, and a large, bulbous head with two huge black eyes. It began to do what Bob could only guess was speaking. It was a strange sound of clicks and wheezes. "Speak english! You god damn foreigners! If you're gonna cmoe to my country, learn to speak the language, ya god damn dutch bastards!" exclaimed Bob, obviously distressed at his current situation. "My appologies, earth creature," replied the alien. "My voice modulater was not properly calibrated for your planet." Bob, still angry, responded, "That aint no excuse! What you using big words for? You think I'm stupid?! You think you're smarter than me?!" The alien replied to Bob, "We have travelled many light years through several galaxies to find this planet. We wanted to study your population. If intelligent life was found, we would move on. If not, we would move into this planet and make it our new home." Bob felt a little violated. He had just realized he had no clothing on. "What did you do to me?!" replied Bob. "I saw on this movie where aliens did an anal probe on a guy and did all kinds of experiments! Are you trying to sell my kidneys on Ebay or something?! I demand to speak to your leader!" The alien reassured Bob that he WAS the leader of his people, and asked him, "Please, calm yourself human. We have not taken any of your organs, nor have we probed your anus." Bob was enfuriated. "You mean you guys abduct hundreds of people and check their anuses and take their organs, but you didn't do any of that to me?! What? I'm not good enough to be probed?!" The alien tried to explain to Bob that they don't run those kinds of tests, but Bob was still angry and wouldn't listen. "That's discrimination! Take me back home. My brother's wife's dad's friend knows a guy who was friends with a cop once, and I'll get him to put your ass in jail or in a jar or something!" The alien assured him that if he would just calm down and answer a few questions, he would be let go, and if it was found that earth's inhabitants were intelligent, they would move on instead of moving into this planet. Several hours went by, and the aliens took Bob home. This story was told to me by my neighbor, Glort, his lovely life-mate Ixxeblia, and their spawn, Vanableetanaxius. Some people think it's weird living next to a bunch of aliens, but I like it Very Happy

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