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Replying to:  Bob Threads the complete (so far) tales of Bob by xDon.TM   Jul 22, 2006, 11:48 PM

Bob Episode One, thanks to the sprint forums

by Lord Azrael    Feb 1, 2013, 4:57 PM

Bob, the Typical Cingular Customer, decides to stop in at the local McDonald's for his free breakfast...at noon. Looks like its all downhill from here...

Cashier: Good afternoon and welcome to McDonald's, what will you be having today?

Bob: Well, about a month ago, a friend of mine had a coupon for a free Egg McMuffin, so I think I'd like one of those and a hash brown. I don't mind paying for the hash brown.

Cashier: Umm...I'm sorry sir, but breakfast hours are over. Could I offer you some fries and a Big Mac?

Bob: No, I want the McMuffin. And what do you mean, breakfast hours are over? Your advertising outside says McMuffins are sold all day.

Cashier: No sir, if you read below the advertisement, you'll see where it says, "Breakfast hours only."

Bob: Well no one told me that.

Cashier: Umm....ok...well I'll see what I can do about getting you one, that'll be $3.49.

Bob: $3.49???? I don't have that much money, what about it being free?

Cashier: Well, do you have your coupon?

Bob: I didn't say I had a coupon, I said a buddy of mine had one a while back.

Cashier: How long ago was this?

Bob: Oh, I don't know, maybe a month ago? What does that matter?

Cashier: Well sir, I cant offer you a free McMuffin without a coupon?

Bob: WHAT?!?! *sigh* How do you idiots stay in business? Look, you guys sent out your customers...your longtime, loyal customers...coupons for free food. You were practically begging me to stay with you, and now you wanna renege on your promise?

Cashier: Well, I'm sorry sir, its just that...

Bob: Yeah, whatever, thats all you can do is be sorry, huh? I wanna speak to a manager, I'M ESCALATING!!!

Cashier: You're what?

Bob: Get me the district manager or somebody, now!


The Cashier frantically scurries to the back and returns with the restaurant manager.

Manager: Hi sir, what can I help y--

Bob: Are you the manager? You **** well better be the manager!

Manager: Yes, I am. What seems to be the problem?

Bob: Well, I've been a customer of yours for almost 20 years now. I've been very loyal to your company, even when your competition tried to entice me with their fancy tacos and buffalo wings. Now, your food isn't the greatest. I've gained several pounds and have had a bout of gas here and there, but I was still loyal. I would think that the least you could give me is a free McMuffin, which I'm entitled to anyway. Hell, I don't even mind paying for the hash brown, even though after dealing with your crappy service, I think I should get that free too!

Manager: I'm sorry sir, but first of all, breakfast hours are over. Secondly, we don't offer free food.

Bob: But what about my coupon?!?

Manager: Well sir, if you'd like to come back during normal breakfast hours, we can honor your coupon, and--

Bob: BUT I DONT HAVE THE COUPON!!! And why do I have to come back! I want it now! You are wasting my time, and I am late to work because of this whole debacle, which is costing me money!

Cashier: But sir, you've only been here five minutes.

Bob: Don't smart mouth me, young lady!

Manager: Sir, calm down, she is only trying to help. Don't you think you are getting a little too upset over something as trivial as breakfast?

Bob: Don't tell me what's trivial! In fact, I'm tired of this abuse, let me see your manager!

Manager: Umm...sir, I am the manager.

Bob: Well, isn't your boss here? I'll walk behind that counter and speak to Ronald McDonald myself if I have to!

Manager: Sir...umm...listen, lets do this...


The manager walks to the back and picks up a Big Mac, then scoops some fries into a bag and hands it to Bob.


Manager: Here sir, on the house. Just promise not to come back again, please.

Bob: Now thats more like it. If only more businesses were like McDonald's.


Bob walks out the door with a smile on his face, once again successful in obtaining the free gift that life owes him. The cashier lets out a sigh, while the manager pops a Paxil and sheds a single tear.



Next: Episode 2...Bob calls the cable company!

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