Shop Talk
How can I..
better be a complete dick. If you are literate and read my previous post you know that I am quiting and am not getting any commission which means I am currently making just over minimum wage. Therefor I have decided not to get off my stool, to not sell anything, to not answer any idiotic questions and leave my head phones on all day. I want to maximize my current opportunity to be a complete asshole so please give me more ideas on how to be a total dick.
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Shoot rubber bands at everyone making the "pew!" sound when you do. Answer the phone as your major competitors. Use various accents when talking to people. Sun glasses + looking the wrong direction = Acting blind. Cry uncontrollably. If accessible climb on the roof and be worthless there. Allow customers to see your screen while you're talking to them, open up Notepad and start writing things like "They have me on camera, I do not want to work here, please leave here and contact the police, I haven't seen my family in 5 months". If no one else is in the store, rub the area of the phone where the mic is located on all phones in the store in the region between where the scrotum ends, and the rectum begins.
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Program all customer handsets you come into contact with with wrong programming information, tell them the provisioning time is up to 4 hours. Do this to employee phones as well. Take pictures of your "unmentionable" parts with customer, or employee phones, look through the phone book for the entries "Dad" "Mom" "Bro" and "Sis", send to all applicable. Extra points for Nana, or GramGram. Take a thumbtack, find the mic port, make one hard puncture directly back, hello to no audio. Fun With SuperGlue.
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your evil and our screen name is awesome. I love chicks with boyfriends.
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I've got tonnes more stuff, but you'll get fired same-day. I'll gladly post 'em,
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I was going to show up to a meeting drunk to get fired but we arn't having any meetings so please unleash your ideas.
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Rub the phone on your scrotum infront of the customer, make sure it is their phone.
If you have canned air, fashion a death dart. This is accomplished by taking a coffee stirrer (really skinny straw) folding about 1/4" of one end back, and using a stapler, get one of the prongs of the staple through the fold, the other protruding like a short arrow head. Break off the bend of the staple, leaving a straight point. If you have a pair of snips make a cut at the very tip at a diagonal, leaving a sharp edge. It will fit very well over the end of the straw of the compressed air can. load, point, and it will stick in most things at close range minus rock and stuff. It likes skin. If you're a dick put super glue on the metal and shoot someone, an...
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If you have canned air, fashion a death dart. This is accomplished by taking a coffee stirrer (really skinny straw) folding about 1/4" of one end back, and using a stapler, get one of the prongs of the staple through the fold, the other protruding like a short arrow head. Break off the bend of the staple, leaving a straight point. If you have a pair of snips make a cut at the very tip at a diagonal, leaving a sharp edge. It will fit very well over the end of the straw of the compressed air can. load, point, and it will stick in most things at close range minus rock and stuff. It likes skin. If you're a dick put super glue on the metal and shoot someone, an...
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🤣 A w e s o m e.
And with the compressed air can turned upside down spray cds it freezes them, and looks really cool. If you use a whole can on a cd through the cd across the room and watch it shatter as it hits the wall. 🤣
And with the compressed air can turned upside down spray cds it freezes them, and looks really cool. If you use a whole can on a cd through the cd across the room and watch it shatter as it hits the wall. 🤣
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I wish I had some canned air. I may just huff it in front of my boss then offer him some.
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Full contact football on the sales floor? You can try "rock climbing" on your accessory wall.
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🤣 Nice you could do it with windex, it won't do anything, but it would be funny.
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If you have unlimited access on your computer to any website, start looking at porn and leave it up on the screen when a customer comes in. Then be like "Oh man!!! You gotta look at this!!!" And show them it.
Or, go to addicting games.com, turn up the sound as high as it can go and play Bloons. 1 or 2. The sound of popping will get annoying real fast. And at least where I work, it will get your fired the 1st time you're caught playing games.
Or, go to addicting games.com, turn up the sound as high as it can go and play Bloons. 1 or 2. The sound of popping will get annoying real fast. And at least where I work, it will get your fired the 1st time you're caught playing games.
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When ringing out a customer and they ask for a free accessory drop your pants and take a big crap in their bag and say "Theres your free accessory."
If you smoke then you can smoke on the sales floor and if someone says something blow it in their face. Then continue to smoke. When you are done put the cigarette out on your desk and throw it on the floor.
If you smoke then you can smoke on the sales floor and if someone says something blow it in their face. Then continue to smoke. When you are done put the cigarette out on your desk and throw it on the floor.
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😳 I like the rubber band nad the crying idea a lot. I currently rub the phones on my choad anyways. Pew pew *shoots rubber band at screen*
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infront of their store. That way not only do you renounce the Christian faith but you also say 'hey world I hate jewbags! snarf snarf'
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ihateeverything said:
snarf snarf'
🤣 Have you been watching the South Park trilogy where terrorists attack our imagination?
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Yeah I saw part 2 also I'm awaiting part 3! Btw I'm also collecting all of the dvds I have seasons 1-5 right now.
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Nice, I have the original Tweak action figure complete with underwear nomes.
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Gnomes dude, gnomes...you need to spell fairy tale species right. It's crucial.
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I think I would just be as annoying as possible and not let any customer who talks to me speak just keep rambling off worthless babble, like no you're phone is fine that red dot is a conspiracy and big brother is watch you and Russia right now, did you know after an average person goes poop they loss 5 lbs, hey the other day I ate at Outback it was fabulous what do you like at outback wait don't leave your phones still not fixed and I haven't sold you anything yet, why are you leaving I'm so lonely here, please stay and talk to me all day, it's okay it doesn't have to be about phones I just want to talk to you all day so I don't have to do anything else so how are you I'm greaaat hey look at the time break for me see you in about 15 min. *ge...
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Awesome, I kind of feel like licking the water damage indicatior on all the phones in the store.
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Grab all the motorola phones in your inventory, put batteries in them and turn them all on. disperse the boxes around the store if possible, wait 2 days.
beep.
beep.
beep.
beep.
beep.
beep.
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🤣 🤣 And leave little notes on each phone 1 of 25, 2 of 25, ect. with little pointless sayings like Congratulations you found phone 1 of 25, wise man says he who fishes in other mans well often catches crabs, of if you used the phone I wiped on my nuts, cus I have crabs, CRAB FACE!
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🤣 I had a boss lick his finger when a customer brought back a phone and put it on the water indicator when the customer wasn't looking before. How jacked up is that! 😳 Needless to say I quit.
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I did that to a douche bag that demanded I transfer his phone book to his new phone that he got online. The guy was a complete asshole.
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I get angry when people buy thing online. People need to support their local economy. I feel kind of bad but regret never fixed anything.
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🤣 Regret never fixed anything, so true. I buy almost everything on line, but I also do almost everything on line as well, I try to talk to as few people as possible when I'm not getting paid to do it. I think when I get old I might be a hermit because I dislike humans so much ☹️
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People suck balls most of them are dumb, fat or ugly. Commonly all of the above. I still believe in supporting my local economy even if it means interaction.
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Cellfoneslinger said:
Awesome, I kind of feel like licking the water damage indicatior on all the phones in the store.
Thats sooo funny
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I have always wanted to just fall asleep right in front for a customer who is going on and on about how they should get a free phone and yadda yadda yadda. As they're talking just close your eyes and fall asleep on the desk, that would be awesome!
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He's wanting to get fired. I say instead of falling asleep just interrupt with "Sir, these sound more like *your* problems." Then he should whip out a PSP or Nintendo DS and start playing some game with tonnes of annoying sounds. Like Pokemon.
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The slow nose dive...
You stare at them sort of vacantly while they are talking to you, head tilted slightly to one side, mouth partially open and very slowly raise your finger as if you are going to stick it in your nose. Usually you stop just as your finger tip touches your nose and snap out of it as if you were there all along and smile in a sort of deranged sort of way. You can also drool a little while you are doing this for added effect.
You stare at them sort of vacantly while they are talking to you, head tilted slightly to one side, mouth partially open and very slowly raise your finger as if you are going to stick it in your nose. Usually you stop just as your finger tip touches your nose and snap out of it as if you were there all along and smile in a sort of deranged sort of way. You can also drool a little while you are doing this for added effect.
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Here's how I plan to go out when my time comes...
"Sir, I really hate to break this to you, but I don't give a damn and neither does the company. We have your money. Deal with it."
"Sorry... I can't sell you this phone. You're too dumb to use it anway."
"I'm sorry, we don't answer questions on Mondays. Only Tuesdays."
As for other ways to go out in style, I think the idea of putting all the batteries in the Motorola phones is priceless! Not only will all the phones have to be recharded prior to activation, but if you do it right... they will all start beeping around the same time.
Do you work store or kiosk?
"Sir, I really hate to break this to you, but I don't give a damn and neither does the company. We have your money. Deal with it."
"Sorry... I can't sell you this phone. You're too dumb to use it anway."
"I'm sorry, we don't answer questions on Mondays. Only Tuesdays."
As for other ways to go out in style, I think the idea of putting all the batteries in the Motorola phones is priceless! Not only will all the phones have to be recharded prior to activation, but if you do it right... they will all start beeping around the same time.
Do you work store or kiosk?
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Start a war with your neighbor kiosks then 🙂
Send customers over to them with problems.
Send customers over to them with problems.
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Do you have a microwave in your break room? 😈 Put a CD in there and watch what happens. Aluminum foil will do the same, but faster. With the CD you can watch a pretty sweet light show for about a minute before the finale.
Next time a really b!tchy customer walks in, throw their phone across the room and say "How do ya like me now b!tch?!"
Jump up on the table and say "f*** __(insert name of carrier here___!!!!"
Rip all of the demo phones in half.
As somebody has already mentioned batwing, try it out on your boss, not just the customers.
Next time a really b!tchy customer walks in, throw their phone across the room and say "How do ya like me now b!tch?!"
Jump up on the table and say "f*** __(insert name of carrier here___!!!!"
Rip all of the demo phones in half.
As somebody has already mentioned batwing, try it out on your boss, not just the customers.
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