Shop Talk
things you've always wanted to say to a customer
2.) My system is down ma'am because my computer is kept up and running by the revenue directly related to your bill and since you haven't paid... well you can see what happens when you don't pay your bill now don't you?
3.) Thought your life was hard with a $125 spending limit? Try $50! take that you bi0tch!
anyone else got there's?
Oh wait... I've said this. On more than one occasion (after being nice about it, of course).
"You're being ridiculous sir/mam please leave!"
"Ma'am there is absolutely no reason for you to behave this way in a public setting. This is a family establishment- if you'd take a look to your left you'll see a kiddie table. Do you see the sad faces on the children? You've made this a very distastful experience for us all. Please leave immediately. If you cannot comply I will have you escorted out as well as putting a block on your account to bar yoy from entering any other ****** store."
2. Ohhh, so you're saying that a phone should still work even if it got rained??? ok, try jumping in a pool carrying your brand new 42" flat screen tv and lets see if it would still work.
3. i know you're lying, so dont fool me by saying "oohhh, i have multiple sclerosis, im disabled, please send me a new phone!", if its true, then good for you!
4. i dont want to speak with you, you're so stupid and close-minded.
5. thank you for calling, im currently away from my station, so do call back so that you would get another rep.
-sorry, im in a bad mood today! 👿
2.) who are you to say 'no' to me? No seriously we don't care if you say no... in fact while you talk to me i'm gonna go listen to bjork.
And: Did you know that I have enough information about you to ruin your life. That said, I'd think twice about my selection of words if I were you.
"You can go to hell...
And You can go to hell...
And you can go to hell too just so you don't feel left out!"
#2 stop interrupting me!
#3 PLEASE, drown your children!
#4 I gave you my work number in case you had aproblem with your phone or service, NOT so you could call me just TO CHAT! LOSE MY NUMBER!
#5 Youre right, a $400 security deposit is crazy...about as crazy as we would be to give you service!
#6 You're not funny. (my name is adrienne and i work at verizon, ie: yo adrian! can you hear me now?)
tahts all for now, i have an idiot....
#2 Are you high?
#3 Would you like a copy of my job description?
#4 Would you hold your breath so I can talk?
I will come up with more I'm sure
-Dont call back
-Are your parents cousins/siblings?
2-Instead of getting that, why don't you take the money and buy some soap?
3-Did you eat a bowl of f***tard for breakfast?
4-Our prices aren't based on your wallet--(no, wait, I've actually said that one....)
---More coming.....
me- "Would you like the number before I transfer you?"
cust- gonna transfer me right?"
me- "Yes would you like their number?"
cust "Why do I need it if your gonna transfer me?"
what I wanted to say
"In case I hang up on you so you have to call back and probably get transfered again and be on hold even longer you jerk"
🙂
~What this comes down to is that you obviously aren't responsible enough to take care of you phone. If you were, it wouldn't have gotten wet/broken/lost.
~Why don't you try driving your brand new car into the lake and see if your 10 year, 10k mi. warranty covers that.
~Go ahead and port your number out. We prefer customers with a higher IQ than a head of lettuce any way.
~You realize I have enough of your personal information right in front of me to ruin your life.....go ahead and keep swearing at me.
~I warned you when you got the phone for your teenager that...
(continues)
(the actual line is educated cabbages... but you get the idea.)
I will send $5 to the first person to identify what series that come from OR the star of the series.
Five bucks, cash in the mail or paypal if you prefer
How did you know that one?
(I Googled it on my Blackjack)
2) No, sir. I can offer everyone a better offer than I am offering you, because in our brief 5 minute conversation, I have come to the conclusion that I hate you.
3) Maam / sir, you're too stupid to own this phone.
"Please lean over the counter just a little bit more so I can enjoy the breath taking view!"
and
"God I wish I could just smother my face between then so I could drown out the Muzak!"
2. your stench is offending me please leave and wash yourself.
3. i can't wait to read your name in the obituaries.
4. i'm going to dance on your grave when you die.
5. i hope you get hit by a car when you leave the store.
6. well the reason you have to put a deposit down is that going by your credit history you don't pay your bills, therefore, we as a company don't believe that you are going to pay this bill. so the security deposit is at least some money we have from you before we send you to a collections agency.
7. if i wasn't working, i would beat your ass!
2. No, we cannot override a deposit. MAYBE now that your see that you have a $750.00 per line, you will take better care of your credit & PAY YOUR BILLS.
3. don't curse at me because you can't check your wifes account, there's a reason you don't have your own. i'm sure she would like to keep it that way.
2) You must be this smart to talk to me.
3) No, you can not touch the phone because I think your hands are dirty.
4) I am stupid? Which one of us have a phone.
5) (After finding out they have a $750 deposit, they have the nerve to ask for a job) HELL NO!! We don't even trust you with a phone bill.
6)Would you port your number out? I know it is only one less dumb person I have to deal with, but every number counts.
I also wish I could wear my "I can only be nice to one person a day. Today isn't your day. Tommorrow doesn't look so good either." tshirt.
'We're a business, not a charity/your buddy.'
2.sir if you keep screaming at me I am going to hang up....(keeps screaming) ...Sir call back when you can communicate like an adult...click
3. I am sorry you couldn't pay your bills
4. (the whole I have been a customer for 90 years and deserve everything free)
Well sir, by your logic then I shouldn't have to pay Krogers for my groceries this weekend, after all I have been going there for years.
5. I am sorry you decided not to take care of the $350 device we gave you for $50 dollars, but our charity can only go so far.
I have probably said a lot of other things that were not to nice, remember these are all out of context and all these people wer...
(continues)
Number 5 can also (and totally should!) be said as 'Since you didn't take care of the phone we gave to you for free, maybe you'll take care of the phone that you have to pay $350.00 for. In case you didn't learn your lesson the first time, would you like insurance?'
Alright, ma'am, I need you to do something important for me. Get a q-tip and squeegy out your ears. If you don't star listening and stop interrupting I'm hanging up on you.
You, Sir, are an idiot.
Sir? Your name is Sarah?
Ma'am, go take care of your kid, I'm not listening to that baby cry in the background anymore.
Your deposit is so high because your credit sucks.
Having good credit isn't that hard. All you need to do is pay the bills that you have on time regularly. Clearly that's too hard for you.
You know, I hate to interrupt... well no I don't, but... I really don't care about the whole long story covering every single phone call you have made to us. Why don't we do this. You ...
(continues)
Did you eat paint chips as a child?
Were you dropped on your head repeatedly as a child?
Are you three years old? Then stop acting like it.
That, also, was a stupid question.
I'm sorry, I was busy daydreaming about my calculus homework and wasn't listening to you rant...
(continues)
Keep ranting, I'll keep not listening.
And it's our fault you couldn't be bothered to keep the return tracking label? If the refund was important and you wanted to get the money back you should have kept the tracking label... Now you realize that it was worth $500 and we're not giving you the money until you give us the phone or proof you sent it back. We're flexible like that.
that's the most amazing thing i've ever seen in my life! 😁
You swear he didn't download $800 of games last January and are only just now noticing that bill? What a coincidence. My neighbor didn't realize she was pregnant 'till a baby popped out on her lunch break. Funny how stuff like that can sneak up on ya.
One more curse word and I'll call your mama to come spank you.
I can't understand Unintelligiblish; I'll need to transfer you to the Diction Department for clarification.
The GPS Breathalyzer light here just went red. I wouldn't drive anywhere if I were you.
(I have said this)
F*ck you, you Fa@@ot... Get the F*ck out of my stor and take your Fa@@ot a$$ son with you...
(I just snapped... no defense for that one..)
ME: "ma'am your being very rude and i cannot help you if you do not let me finish explaining why your bill is so high. what i think is...(she breaks in)
HER: i dont want you to think, i want you to take care of my bill!!!
ME: if you continue to do this ma'am i cant help you (silence)
HER:hello?
ME:can i finish explaing your bill?
she then let me finish explaining it to her and we found out it wasnt our fault but her not paying her bill on time. i swear i was very close to telling her that i wasnt able to help her anymore and that she would have to call customer service to get her problem resolved
me: "get a diaper cause your phone is peeing"
They usually look real broken. Like I snapped their soul in half- thats when I wait for the best part. I tell them about their early termination fee just to rub a little salt in their wounds. Then they agree to whatever I was telling them previously and calm down.
-thanks for waking up super early to come down here and waste my time with lame questions that you're pretty much answering yourself. i'm sure your child really appreciates you robbing him of his saturday morning cartoons for you to come down and bug the s(*t out of me.
Customer: "You're paycheck depends on me, and when I leave this company, its really going to suck for you, now isnt it?!"
Me(I've actually said this one): "Well sir/ma'am, its a good thing that I keep 64 million customers on standby just incase you quit on me. You know, always best to plan for these types of situations. You have a spectacular day. *Smiles sweetly*"
Sorry, did my store sign suddenly transform with out my knowledge and say that we charge your battery for free? The chargers are for people who buy them. Its not my fault that you don't know when to plug in your damn phone.
cell_hell said:...
Does it look like i'm in some despot place, selling these phones out of a kiosk? No? Then why in the hell do you think I can "cut you a deal", make a "bargain", waive every known fee, give you free everything or any other rediculous request you just made? You want me to give it to you free? Then you can pay the difference that they take out of my check for it.
Customer: "You're paycheck depends on me, and when I leave this company, its really going to suck for you, now isnt it?!"
Me(I've actually said this one): "Well sir/ma'am, its a good thing that I keep 64 million customers on standby just incase you quit on me. You know, always best to plan for these types of situations. You have a spec
(continues)
thanks tho i gues.s..
dont insult me by coming in here with your boost asking for minutes/chargers.
i have a can of air freshner under my desk just for you. I wish i could spray some people with it...we have a lot of stinky people...
🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣
No your mexican ID will not work but since your here will take out my trash clean the windows and wash my car?
God dam your girlfriend is ugly, are you sure you want to get her a phone?
What the hell is wrong with you how can your think it is a good idea to add all your friends on your account?
I sure do stock VZW accessories and I have the one you want, just reach up my as* and grab it!
Customer: Nothing, just looking.
(a little while after)
Customer: Hey, I have a question!
Me: I thought you were just looking and you didn't need any help.
haha
Me: ma'am, all the phones there are brand new phones which are for sale, you had your phone since septemebr of last year, you dont expect me to give you a brand new cellphone! 👿
Cust: i want to speak to a supervisor, bBLAH BLAH BLAh
me: ok can i put you/
-cust off I said i want to speak to a supervisor...Blah Blah Blah
me: ok can i put you/
-cuts off...give me your manager..blah blah blah
me: How can i give you my supervisor if you keep on cutting me off when i do my spiel?
cust is furious, blah blah blah
me: so what do you want me to do now???
cust: ok send me...
(continues)
What I would really like to say....
Cust: "I am canceling all my lines and going to Sprint"
Me "HaHa! Too bad we work for Sprint too! As well as others!"